


its all so horribly loud

by orphan_account



Category: End Roll (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Murder, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Messy writing style, POV Second Person, au where russell didnt kill himself, just a drabble tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27495958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: you think, for a split second, that your life would be better if tabasa was your big brother, then your thoughts spiral.
Relationships: Russell Seager & Tabasa McNeil
Kudos: 11





	its all so horribly loud

you don’t kill yourself, surprisingly, after the happy dream program. however, as soon as they start hovering, you almost regret it because the guilt is too much.

* * *

the zookeeper is ... considerably nicer to you, especially considering the fact that he’s an adult and -- at this point -- you’re fully aware of the fact that adults aren’t meant to be trust. even in your thirteen year old mind, you know this. 

but he’s nice, with a gentle curve of a smile and sparkling eyes, a mass of freckles dotting dark skin. you don’t talk much, and he seems to be fine with that; offering you a tour of the zoo, though there’s a look in his eyes that no adult has brandished towards you before. 

there’s a pipe, in the room that he took you to, and you briefly remember the off-handed comment that while you aren’t technically supposed to be there, the zookeeper -- you think his name is tabasa -- didn’t want you to be out there by yourself. 

the monkeys are loud. they remind you too much of that bastard of a father. 

you grit your teeth, overwhelmed and irritated. it’s all too much. 

you think, for a split second, that your life would be better if tabasa was your big brother, then your thoughts spiral. 

tabasa would keep you safe from him. he looks older than you, probably as old as your mom, so maybe he would take you away from that house, if he was your big brother. 

why couldn’t he be your big brother?  
why?

_why why why why why-_

you grip the pipe between your fingers, and you bring it down to the back of his head as hard as you can. 

maybe he has siblings. that stirs something within you, something that makes you hit him again, just to make sure. 

if he couldn’t be your big brother, then he doesn’t get to be anyone’s big brother.

* * *

tabasa hovers around you, telling you what to feed the animals, the same smile on his face. you turn your head away, a feeling in your throat that makes you want to claw at your skin. you hear tabasa sigh and, when you look back up, he’s gone. 

it’s selfish. you know this later. maybe, if you didn’t kill him and you got the guts to speak up, maybe he could be your big brother. 

**Author's Note:**

> pspspsps find me at my [twitter bc i like talking to people](https://twitter.com/corvidmage)


End file.
